Relocation Nightmares
by J. Maria
Summary: I've Heard It Both Ways: Or the Summers-Spencer, Spencer-Summers cousins...Buffy, Dawn and Xander invade Shawn's life and try and pay him back for invading other people's lives.  A BIC challenge mini-series.
1. Cruel and Unkind: 25 for 25

Series: 25 for 25  
Title: Four: Cruel and unkind  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-15  
Disclaimer: Joss owns Xander, Franks owns Shawn. I own Nada.  
Spoilers: Post series, and early season 4  
Series Summary: Twenty-five stories and crossings of worlds (read: insanity) to celebrate twenty-five years. Now taking requests!  
Part Summary: He's always been their bane of existence.  
Words: 1328  
Title Quote Source: But You're So Beautiful by Future Bible Heroes  
Dedication: Jediknight for the fandoms.  
A/N: This pairing was actually requested back (I believe) when I was working of _25 Memories_ my Christmas FfA contribution. Light-hearted because I was not light-hearted for some of the memories in the Summers-Spencer family verse.  
A/N2: Verse-splainer: In this verse, Henry Spencer and Hank Summers are cousins, making Shawn, Buffy and Dawn third or second cousins (its like math, I'm a bit fuzzy on cousin logistics of kids of cousins as cousins - and I have tons of those in rl, and they still don't make sense. Of course, I also have a cousin I call Uncle so maybe its just my family). Shawn is super-overprotective of Buffy and Dawn, and adored Joyce. Set post season seven and just around the start of season one of Psych. This 'verse is continued on from Hobble Gobble (which is sent in the present) & 25 Memories (which is the back story).  
A/N3: Also a little bit of a protest to the Season 8 comics...and I also got a little carried away

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25 for 25

  
Four: Cruel and unkind

Shawn mock-glared at the shaggy haired man in the doorway of the Psych office, who was whistling low through his teeth. The blonde and brunette girls beside him were giving the place equal looks of 'eeeewww', which just struck at his manly pride.

"So puppy boy is still attached at the hip," Shawn narrowed his eyes at the man.

"Sadly, still better than whelp," Xander Harris shrugged.

"Shawn, what have I told you about picking on my friends?" Buffy huffed, glaring at her cousin.

"Buff, I hung around Angel and Spike. Your cousin no longer frightens me," Xander laughed, not realizing he'd thrown the gauntlet down.

Gus, who'd been coming in the doorway just behind Shawn's cousins made a distressed noise as Buffy groaned and Dawn looked nervously between them.

"Really, you no longer find me frightening?" Shawn cocked a brow at him.

"Yup. Especially seeing as I'm not lusting after your cousin anymore," Xander cocked a brow of his own.

"I would hope not, seeing as she's twenty," Shawn nodded to Dawn.

"Gross."

"I'm going to be sick."

"She's like a little sister to me!" Xander recoiled a bit at the thought. Sure, Dawn was cute, but he remembered baby-sitting her and helping her ride her bike. Shawn nodded approvingly of his cousins' reactions and Xander's own.

"Fine, I don't hate you anymore," Shawn did a finger wave and mock-fainted into his chair.

"I'm just thrilled to know I'm in your good favor," Xander rolled his eye, which still made him a little dizzy. Being one-eyed kinda sucked.

"Well, you did try to out-dash me with the eye-patch. Very pirate-y of you, but then I win because of the psychic awesomeness of me," Shawn grinned.

"I wasn't aware we were competing for anything."

_"Everything's_ a competition with Shawn," Buffy shoved her way into the office, getting a little annoyed with her cousin.

"I hear that," Gus muttered from behind her. He gallantly held out two chairs for Buffy and Dawn before taking his own seat behind his desk. "Explains so much of his tension with Lassiter."

"No, its not a competition between me and Lassie. And if it were, I would so be winning," Shawn snorted, kicking his feet up onto his desk.

"Yeah, there's that non-competitive streak of yours, Shawn," Dawn grinned at him, the whole Xander and her as non-mixy things comment long forgotten by her cousin's antics.

"So what brings you to our lovely abode?"

"You mean your frighteningly-not-up-to-code abode?" Xander smirked, settling down into a third chair.

"I've heard it both ways," Shawn said dismissively.

"Dawn and I are moving here," Buffy threw her own gauntlet down as she smiled sweetly at her cousin. "Xander too."

"Come again?" Shawn's face paled, because he knew his cousin knew he wasn't really a psychic. This could so blow things for him and Gus.

Buffy smiled a little evilly at watching her cousin squirm. Dawn and Gus shared a look, and Xander was kind of basking in it.

"I - I, uh get you two moving here," Shawns feet hit the floor dully. His dad had been trying to get them to move to Santa Barbara since Aunt Joyce had died, and had pressed even harder when their town had been turned into a sinkhole. The girls hadn't budged, but Dawn had come to stay with him for a few months so Buffy could cope with things shortly after their mother's death. "But why is Jolly Roger moving here too?"

"You mean, _you_ - as a lauded psychic detective can't detect that?" Xander mock-gasped.

"Spill," Shawn ignored him and focused all of his attention on Dawn, who he could always count on to crack first. Except her three years abroad had toughened his baby cousin up, and she merely popped a brow at him.

"Don't mind if I do," Xander continued, his grin getting bigger. "Turns out, _my_ favorite cousin lives and works in Santa Barbara too."

That was it, Shawn was breaking out into a cold sweat. The dark hair. Oh crap, not _Lassie_! But before he could speak, Xander spoke again, driving the nail deeper in his coffin of torture.

"Seems as if you know him, god knows he can't stop talking about you and your work with the SBPD."

"Dear God, not -" Gus looked ready to faint when someone knocked on their door. Four heads whipped around to face the tall man in the doorway.

"Cousin Xander! I didn't know you knew Shawn and Gus!" Buzz McNab smiled broadly at his cousin. "Me and my Francine weren't sure if you would make it in time for our wedding."

"What, and miss my favorite cousin's wedding, never," but Shawn caught something off with the other man, who fiddled with his own ring finger. That and Buzz was easier to read than the morning paper. He went all droopy face as a memory seemed to nag at him.

"We were torn up when we heard about Anya. She was abrasive, a bit blunt and from circus folk but we were so sorry to hear about her passing. We'd really hoped you two kids would make it work."

"Yeah, me too," Xander said sadly.

"But we're glad you decided to move back to California!" Buzz said brightly. "These must be your cousins, Shawn. Isn't it crazy the way the world works? We work together _and _our cousins work together! Talk about a cosmic connection!"

"Real _cosmic_," Shawn said from beneath his desk. "Right, Gus?"

"Uh-huh," came the muffled reply from beneath Gus's desk.

"I'll catch you girls later," Xander fought a grin as he rose to join Buzz. "See ya, Shawn and Gus."

Dawn and Buffy burst into hysterics the moment Buzz and Xander left, as they watched Shawn and Gus pull themselves up.

"That eye-patch has made him cunning as well as dashing, dammit!" Shawn scowled at his cousins.

"What do you want to keep Xander quiet where Psych's concerned?" Gus asked warily, knowing the master plan had come from the Summers sisters. He remembered them as kids, and he knew how much they were like Shawn when it came to plotting.

"Since we're moving here, and since Uncle Henry's the only family we've really got, we're going to be having regular Sunday night dinners. Gus, you're more than welcome to join us," Dawn smiled brightly at him.

"But in order for _Xander_ to keep his mouth shut about Psych to _Buzz_, _Shawn's_ attendance at said Sunday dinners are mandatory," Buffy grinned at her cousin, watching gleefully as his jaw dropped. "C'mon, Dawnie, we've got tons of shopping to do for the house."

They were gone before Shawn could think of a witty remark. Truly, his cousins were frightening. How could Aunt Joyce - the epitome of sweetness and light - have produced such wicked, vile little girls? Of course, Shawn did have a hand in making them a smidge wicked and vile, but still!

"Why do I feel like I've been Gilmore Girl'd just to keep the money flowing in so I can work my way to a Harvard/Yale education?" Shawn muttered.

"Because _we_ have, Shawn. I warned you to be nicer to Xander. I just knew it'd come back to bite us on the ass."

"Seriously, though, who knew when I was hating on that kid years ago that he would end up wielding enormous power over us?"

"Me. Because I told you so, Shawn."

"Please, you were all for hating his guts when he looked all googlyeyed at my little cousin!" Shawn's eyes got wide. "You've got a crush on _Buffy_? I'm going to be ill."

"Shawn, I didn't say that," but Gus wouldn't meet his eyes. "And I don't know what youre talking about. All I know is that now, I have to drag you to Sunday dinner. Because I am not going to jail, Shawn."

"What, so I'm the Lorelei to your Rory now?"

"Stop talking about _Gilmore_ _Girls_, Shawn."


	2. Lie to ourselves again: 25 for 25

Series: 25 for 25  
Title: Sixteen: Lie to ourselves again…  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-15  
Disclaimer: Joss own Buffy, Franks owns Psych. I own Nada.  
Spoilers: General knowledge of both series  
Series Summary: Twenty-five stories and crossings of worlds (read: insanity) to celebrate twenty-five years.  
Part Summary: The Family Dinner of Doom, in which crushes are revealed and banter is exchanged.  
Words: 673  
Title Quote Source: The Story of by Yo La Tengo  
Dedication: JediKnight for the fandoms.  
A/N: Because they have to join up eventually, for the good of the cause.

_**25 for 25**  
Sixteen: Lie to ourselves again…_

Shawn glowered at Xander for the better part of an hour. Not that it really did him much good. Xander was kissing butt. His own father's butt, of all the butt to be kissing.

"Play nice, Shawn," Gus muttered from beside him.

"I don't have to play nice," Shawn muttered back.

"Yes, you _do_, Shawn. I am too pretty to go to jail."

"He wouldn't really send us to jail," Shawn snorted.

"You don't know that, Shawn. You're not really psychic," Gus glared at him.

"He had lust in his heart for my cousin -"

"Who doesn't?" Gus snorted.

"What did you just say?"

"Your cousin is extremely attractive, Shawn," Gus shook his head at him. "You're going to have to come to terms with it one day that men are just instinctively drawn to her level of fineness."

"She's an _infant_, Gus!"

"I was talking about Buffy."

"So was I!"

"She's only a couple of years younger than you."

"And I am a child at heart, therefore Buffy is an infant at heart, and Dawn is but Twinkle-in-her-mother's-eye at heart."

"Wow, I'm a twinkle," Dawn plopped down beside Shawn, glaring at him. "I feel all twinkle-like."

"Aw, see, Dawnie understands her place in the universe. Why can't you, Gus?"

"Because Gus has had the hots for Buffy for the last three years?" Dawn tapped her chin, and batted her eyes innocently at her cousin.

"You - no - that's not -"

"See if I help you out next time you text me at four in the morning to ask if certain medications will react badly when mixed together."

"I only did that once!" Dawn and Shawn cried at the same time.

"Wow, you had him silent there for a whole four seconds, Dawnie. I owe you that five now, don't I?" Xander shook his head.

"We're trying to get him to verbal engage you, Xan," Dawn shook her head at him. "He's all paranoid and weird around you."

"To be fair, I'm always paranoid," Shawn tilted his head.

"No, you're not. I am," Gus snorted.

"I've heard it both ways."

"No, you haven't, Shawn."

"You do know that the two of you have a common enemy, don't you?" Dawn said loudly over the ensuing quiet-squabble that Gus and Shawn started.

"Say what now?"

"Where are you going with this, Dawn?" Xander frowned at her.

"Technically, you have _two_," Dawn gave Gus a small superior smirk.

"Uh-oh."

"Oh, I'm going there. Gus has the hots for Buffy," Dawn held up one finger before they could turn on Gus. "And there's a certain mealy-mouthed Detective who was scoping out her ass when Buzz gave us a tour of the precinct."

"_Lassie_ checked out my infant cousin's ass? Has the world gone mad?" Shawn looked ill.

"That guy is just a little too gun happy for my tastes," Xander shuddered. "And he's twice her age."

"And he's _Lassie_," Shawn nodded.

"He wasn't very nice to my cousin."

"He's always mean to poor Buzz. Never takes him seriously, and always with the snapping!"

"Who could be purposely mean to Buzz?"

"He's a gentle giant!"

"I'm saying!"

Dawn jerked her head to the side. Gus followed her strategic exit to the kitchen where Henry and Buffy were chatting. Propping her hands on the island, Dawn grinned at them each in turn.

"So, you all owe me for making peace between our two resident men-children,' Dawn held out her hand for the ten Buffy reluctantly slapped in her palm.

"When'd you learn to be so devious?" Gus frowned at her.

"I grew up with _Shawn _and _Xander_ in my life. It's survival of the fittest up in here," she shrugged her shoulders.

"By throwing them at Lassiter?"

"He could use a bit of loosening up, and Buffy could used a little freedom."

"Freedom from what?" Buffy shook her head.

"To date whoever you want without Xander and Shawn ganging up on the poor guy," Dawn gave Gus nudge. Xander wasn't the only one who _saw _things, after all.


End file.
